I had to write an essay for school on leadership and I thought I would share- I am not the best writer... but whatever!!!
I have never envisioned myself as a leader. My image of a leader has always been someone who has all the answers, someone who never backs down, never gives up under any circumstance and someone who is able to grab the attention of everyone in a room. I believed for a very long time that I was always just a very good follower. I pride myself in always being ready to do what needs to be done and do it well, but I have never seen myself as the person that had to come up with that needs to be done and tell people to do it. Recently, I have been put to the test of leadership and it has been a struggle to believe that I have what it takes to be a successful leader.
For four years I have been involved in a plant church start. Passion Community Church was a dream of a husband and wife that has come to life over the past four years. I began helping out with the music ministry to provide quality worship for this new church. I had only planned to help for a few months since I was still in high school and the church was over an hour away from my house. Others began to leave as new people who were attending the church stepped up, but I began to feel that I needed to stay and continue molding this dream. My role has always been to help with the BGV’S (Back Ground Vocals). This position was fine with me. I enjoyed getting to help sing, but did not feel the pressure of having to be the one leading the band and leading the church.
My four years at Passion have been a time of shaping and molding, not only of the church, but also of myself. While every few months I would lead a Sunday here and a Sunday there, when our interim worship leader felt the call to move and lead worship at another church, the church leaders approached me to see if I wanted to step up into the role. I was weary of the offer. Of course my servant’s heart told me that they did not have anyone else and that I was most likely their only choice, but my fear of the leadership was holding me back from making my decision. I have always felt a fear of not knowing what to say or not being able to make people completely happy. I worry that I will not be able to do the best for the church or provide the kind of leadership necessary to make the worship team run smoothly.
On the last Sunday that the old worship pastor led he made a powerful statement that stuck with me: “It isn’t about your ability, it is about your availability.” I thought about what he said the rest of the day. I was open to what God wanted from my life and how he wanted to use me, but I had never thought that I had the ability to lead. 1st peter 4:11 says “If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.” For so long I thought that I had to do things in my own strength and in my own strength I knew I would never have the ability to lead.
It has been two months since I was faced with the decision to step up and lead. I am happy to say that I decided to take the position, even though at times I feel that I am not good enough to hold it. Week after week I can see that I am improving and it is not from my strength, but that of God who week by week is providing me with the strength to step out on the edge and give him the praise through what he has done in my weakness. My favorite verse of the bible sums it up perfectly: 2nd Corinthians 12:10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
